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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26238412">insecurity</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/themebattle/pseuds/themebattle'>themebattle</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Soul Eater</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, OCD, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, breakdowns, writer has ocd</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:14:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>840</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26238412</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/themebattle/pseuds/themebattle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kid has a breakdown. Luckily, Liz and Patty are there to comfort him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>90</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>insecurity</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>was originally a vent fic but i have decided to post it. this is based on my own interpetation/headcanons of kid, i relate to him a lot but highly dislike how he's handled in the anime/manga, so apologies if it's a bit out of character. also supportive liz and patty because they're friends, they wouldn't just laugh at him and get mad at him for having mental illness struggles </p><p>i am diagnosed with ocd. just to make that clear :]</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He forgot to organize the refrigerator properly, and it was happening again.</p><p>He felt himself bowl over, the sheer weight of his anxieties pulling him down to the ground.</p><p>
  <em> You really fucked this one up, Kid. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I can't even stand to look at you! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You're lower than dirt. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> How dare you call yourself my son. </em>
</p><p>Thoughts like these swarmed in his head, the disappointment of his friends, his loved ones, his father echoing around in his brain. They wouldn't ever say those things, common sense told him that much, especially over something as stupid as not ordering the refrigerator properly<em> , </em> but these thoughts wouldn't leave him alone.</p><p>Of course when asked about it, he would insist that the order of the refrigerator, the symmetry of the bathroom, the folding of the toilet paper, it was all to be like that for aesthetics, because everything had to be perfect and precise for it to look good.</p><p>His pride wouldn't let him express it any other way. He was the son of Death, after all. He had to be the picture of perfection. If anyone knew how much he doubted himself, how his own thoughts tormented him so, how could anyone look up to him? He would only let them all down, and he couldn't do that. He couldn't disappoint everyone.</p><p>Nobody knew about his intrusive thoughts except him, and he intended to keep it that way. He had a therapist he could talk to about this, sure, but why would he? He couldn't even confide in his own father.</p><p>When he was a young child, he enjoyed symmetry simply because it was pleasing to him. And order, well, it was something he was being trained to uphold, so of course he cared about that. As he grew older, though, his disorder really started to rear its ugly head. It started off small, he might be uncomfortable with the way things were arranged, but he wouldn't have full on breakdowns over it.</p><p>Now, though. Now, he was pathetic. Those thoughts were relentless, and here he was kneeling on the floor, clutching his head in trembling hands and desperately trying—and failing—to fight back tears.</p><p>
  <em> I'm useless. I really am a disappointment. </em>
</p><p>“Kid, what’s wrong?”</p><p>That was Liz’s voice. Kid froze, having forgotten the twins were with him. They had been walking ahead, but it seems they had finally noticed he wasn’t with them.</p><p>He had had breakdowns around Liz and Patti before. They were like sisters to him, and he felt he didn’t need to constantly prove himself around them. His breakdowns, though, they never seemed to understand, completely…Of course, he never told them <em> everything </em>, but again, why should he? How would they feel when they found out the boy who took them off the streets was pathetic enough to fear his own brain? They would only be disappointed in him.</p><p>“Kid! You good?” Liz asked, kneeling down and putting her hand on his shoulder. He flinched at the touch, not expecting her to do that. She ushered a quick apology, taking her hand off him. “What’s wrong with you? Is it another one of your like, OCD episodes?”</p><p>That was exactly what it was. He would almost laugh at the simplicity of how she put it, if he weren’t the one having the breakdown. He couldn’t bring himself to talk, so he simply nodded.</p><p>“Oh, jeez, uh…” Liz rubbed the back of her head. “It seems like a really bad one, do you need me to like, show you something symmetrical, or something?”</p><p>Kid shook his head. He wiped his tears to the side, looking up, but not at either of the sisters. Patti stood by the two of them, a genuine look of concern on her face, something Kid wasn’t used to, to say the least. She always had a carefree and happy demeanor, and she never seemed all that bothered when he had a so-called ‘OCD episode.’ He felt bad for making her feel that way. Liz stayed kneeled by his side, clearly unsure what to do. He had to speak up.</p><p>“I—” He paused. What did he need? He had no idea. “I don’t know. Wh-what I need, I mean.”</p><p>“Well,” Liz said. “Do you wanna talk about it?”</p><p>“Not really.”</p><p>“Alright then.” She adjusted herself so she was sitting beside him. “Can I just like, comfort you, then?”</p><p>Kid paused for a moment. She had never offered this before. He hoped it wasn’t a burden, that he wasn’t burdening her, that she didn’t think he was a burden—</p><p>His hands started trembling again, and this time he felt Patti sit by him.</p><p>“C’mon Kid! Let yer sisters comfort ya!” she said, the biggest grin on her face.</p><p>Kid softly nodded, and was immediately hugged from both sides, the two girls almost smothering him. He didn’t mind, though. Their comfort, it really helped him feel a bit better. It didn’t fix things, sure, but knowing they were there for him helped ease his thoughts a little.</p>
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